Don't Stay
by frisson rae
Summary: Rusen, Ruhanaru. Sendoh betrays Rukawa. Rukawa's thoughts, and what he did.


Don't Stay (Rusen/Ruhanaru)  
  
A/N: Songfic based on and inspired by Linkin Park's "Don't Stay".  
  
Standard disclaimers apply.  
  
*words in [ ] are the song lyrics.  
  
[sometimes I  
need to remember just to breathe  
sometimes I  
need you to stay away from me]  
  
I stared at the kissing couple in disbelief. My voice was lost. After what seemed like eternity, I finally found it.  
  
"A..kira?" It sounded pathetic. But it was enough for his head to snap up. He quickly pulled away from Koshino - but it was too late. I had seen it. The damage had been done.  
  
[sometimes I'm  
in disbelief I didn't know  
somehow I need you to go]  
  
I locked gazes with him unflinchingly. I pierced his azure blue gaze with my own icy stare. He began nervously, "Kaede, I can explain... please listen to me!" His words were already drowned out by the rushing wind in my ears as I ran.  
  
[sometimes I   
feel like I trusted you too well  
sometimes I  
just feel like screaming at myself]  
  
I stopped running and glanced around. I was in the park. Still in shock, I walked to a park bench and sat down.  
  
[sometimes I'm   
in disbelief I didn't know  
somehow I   
need to be alone]  
  
There was a wet substance on my cheek. I touched it, surprised. Tears? I was crying? Something I hadn't done in many, many years. I was fumbling for tissue when I realized I didn't really care. Leaning back, I began to sort out my thoughts - and feelings.  
  
I didn't understand why. Why Akira would cheat on me. Weren't we perfectly happy together? A pang of pain shot through me as I remembered his smile - comforting and brilliant. For some reason I remembered when he first took me fishing - our first date - how he guided my hand, and showed me how to toss the line...  
  
[don't stay  
forget our memories  
forget our possibilities  
take all your faithlessness with you  
just give me myself back and  
don't stay]  
  
I shook my head vehemently to clear these sentimental thoughts from my head. What was the use of remembering? He was gone to me. Gone. I shouldn't be dwelling on him. He didn't deserve forgiveness.  
  
[sometimes I  
feel like I trusted you too well  
sometimes I   
just feel like screaming at myself]  
  
Maybe we weren't the perfect couple I had imagined us to be. I wondered just how long had he been cheating on me. I felt as if daggers were being driven into my heart, ripping it apart. I couldn't take this. I couldn't survive without him.  
  
[Sometimes I'm   
in disbelief I didn't know  
Somehow I   
need to be alone]  
  
I steeled myself. I would forget him, no matter what. Put aside any feelings for him and start anew. Lifting my jaw determinedly, I walked home.  
  
[Don't stay  
Forget our memories  
Forget our possibilities  
What you were changing me into  
Just give me myself back and  
Don't stay]  
  
I entered the apartment where I lived alone, stalked to my room, and began throwing out anything that would remind me of him. Everything. Gifts. Cards. Photos. They had to go.  
  
[Forget our memories  
Forget our possibilities  
Take all your faithlessness with you  
Just give me myself back and  
Don't stay]  
My room looked so bare. I knew, even though I refused to admit it, I was nothing without him. He was the pillar of my life. I crumpled to the floor and began to cry.   
  
Strangely enough, when I had run out of tears to cry, I found myself stronger. More determined. As if my feelings had been washed away with the tears. No, my feelings for him weren't gone... just laid to rest. Tucked away, where I couldn't see them.   
  
[I don't need you anymore, I don't want to be ignored  
I don't need one more day of you wasting me away  
I don't need you anymore, I don't want to be ignored  
I don't need one more day of you wasting me away  
With no apologies]  
  
I will forget you, Sendoh Akira. I will. I don't need you. I can survive by myself.  
  
[Don't stay  
Forget our memories  
Forget our possibilities  
What you were changing me into  
Just give me myself back and  
Don't stay]  
  
But I wondered. If I could really ever be myself again. Because "myself" involved a part of Sendoh Akira as well. What he did hurt me so much, I didn't think I could ever love again.   
  
[Forget our memories  
Forget our possibilities  
Take all your faithlessness with you  
Just give me myself back and  
Don't stay]  
  
But I did. As I snuggle up to my koi, and whisper with true feeling, "I love you", Sendoh Akira is a thing of the past.  
  
Hanamichi glances down at me and smiles.   
  
" I love you too."  
  
~owari~  
  
A/N: I know rukawa's thoughts were somewhat contradictory. They were meant to be - I was trying to show how he was battling with himself. Contradicting feelings. Internal struggle. Ah.. just review, onegai! 


End file.
